I mean honestly, the one time I get up early to go for a swim and the gym is not open! This is seriously taking up my precious swim time! Not that I'm swimming properly, that is. I don't really know what the problem is and why I can't swim. I used to be able to as a child and I believe that I was quite good at it too.

And now look at me, I can't swim. I just can't. But I'm hoping that if I do it a couple of times a week, then I would get enough practice and be able to. After all, ppl tell me that swimming needs practice.

COME ON gym- open up!!
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Inspired!

I love cookng shows. Despite hating Mondays though, the nights are definitely worth looking forward to. I came home today to a lovely home-cooked meal by my darling Luke. We are still on the CSIRO diet and so far, its week 4. I think we're going ok, although I really think that I should up the exercise.

Dinner for the night, tuscan chicken breast with lovely kidney beans and fresh herbs. Very professional and very delicious. Although I'm a tad concerned with the amount of salt in my diet and what its going to do to my kidneys. I'll just have to drink extra amounts of water or something.

And as we were eating, we were watching that new Jamie Oliver show. Which was really interesting and was about Jamie's culinary road trip across America. Quite cool. I was a bit disappointed that he did now show us a sample of the giant pizzas though. I so wanna go there! Jamie also met a guy called George, Columbian George who uses his own money and cooks food for the illegal immigrants who are mostly homeless and have no food. He does it every single day and delivers it to them. Amazing man.

2030 comes around, and my favourite show, Top Chef is on. Awesome. So inpsired by all the cooking shows I'm watching, I whipped up a banana split and in a flash of creativity, I crushed some butternut snaps and sprinkled it over the banana split with some Hershey's chocolate syrup. Absolutely divine.

Perfect end to an otherwise bla day.

Sleepy byes, will write more later.

X

Ps. New addiction: Keeping up with the Kardhashians and Kourtney and Khloe take on Miami. Awesome. I'm wondering how I never watched this show before!
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Kelly Binsimon from the Real Housewives of NYC just shits me. She really does. I mean COME ON woman, get over urself. You have the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old. Your feud with Bethenny, all in your head! You think that everyone wants your man? You're wrong! You are so repulsive, you make me sick.

Ugh. For the record: I hate Kelly Binsimon.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest. Can't believe that I wasted all that time talking about her though. But seeing her on TV just shits me!

So new fave TV show: Kourtney and Khloe in Miami, or whatever its called. Awesome. I see a lot of myself in Khloe, so I can completely relate.

Hmmmmm- anyone reading this for the first time would think that I have a tv addiction. Hee hee, but I have nothing interesting to say today.
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Perfect beach weather today, so what did I do? I went to the beach. The stupid thing was that I thought that I should take my dog out on a day like today. Stupid idea.



First rant for the day- PEOPLE CAN'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND INSTRUCTIONS!!! It just makes me angry because I took Rosie down to Bellerive beach with Leo and Clare and this white little fluffball- the worst kind of pathetic fru fru dogs- came up to Rosie- NOT ON A LEAD. So here I am trying to pick up after her and I can't because she is going ferral at this dog. And the lead flew out of my hand and she tries to attack the little white thing. And the owners are just standing there like idiots. And the guy was like, oh, it's our fault, he should be on a lead. SO HE SHOULD FUCKING WELL BE. I mean come on... People like that make me so angry. The instructions are clear and simple "Dogs must be on a lead at all times". And the best thing was that the next time we passed that family with the white fluffball, they still did not put her on a lead and the owner (lady one) stood there glaring. I was so ready for her to say something and I was going to have a go. The audacity of some people. And three bitches who had their dogs off the leash as well glared at Rosie when she went off at the dogs and were not even gracious in receiving apologies. Well, you know what bitches: FUCK YOU.



So glad I got that off my chest. :)



But seriously, I don't know what to do with Rosie. I just don't understand how she is this snarling aggressive dog outside the house when she is the most placid loving dog indoors.



I mean look at this face...







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Some people need to be taught a lesson...

Some people are really just too nice. Kel told me about the boy situation today and an uncomfortable encounter at the pool with a certain P and his kid and his possible CURRENT gf. I mean honestly. WTF.

The thing with these bastards is that they are soooooooo lucky that they meet the nice girls like Kel. Honestly, if it were me, I would make his life at the pool a living hell. Aint that the truth. This is why these people never learn. They never learn that their actions hurt other people. They need to see how it directly affects them and THAT is what is going to deter them. I was so angry with what Kel was telling me about him, that I may or may not have directly quoted Sex and the City " Tell him to forget that he even knows u".

Of course that is easier said than done. Although I still honestly believe that Damion is not a bad person. He just knew what he wanted and I wasn't it. There was no point in being mad at him because he did what he thought was the best and even though I didn't think so at the time, it really was. Because now I have Luke and he is really all I care about.

Which reminds me- I want to do another character sketch. I think its time. :) My RSVP experience. Haha.
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So it was a nice hooping class today as the giggling girls were NOT there. Even though I'm totally unco and completely retarded.

So exercise/diet regime. Its coming along although I did have a huge chicken burger at soho, only average. The chips were good though. :) oopsss... Wonder whether I'll get up tomorrow for the gym?

Keren is paranoid of her boyfriend flirting with one of her best mates. In front of her! Her best mate was kissing his shoulder AND twirling his hair. Not on. If someone did that to luke in front of me, I'd probably knock her teeth out. But I'm not a violent person. :)

Clare's backyard is flooded- because the builder didn't put drainage in the house next door. Terrible.

Anyway, I do have a bit more to say, but I need to go to bed.

X

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I have been feeling terrible all day. I mean that dream yesterday has affected me somehow. I just don't understand. And the more I think abt it, the more I'm convinced that I was lucid dreaming. And what makes it worse it that I was AWARE in my dream and thought: to hell with it, I'm not going to ever get to do this in real life. Which means that I can't hide behind "it was only a dream". The fact that I was aware makes me a huge hypocrite. And that is what is making me feel like crap.

And call me crazy, but I am convinced on some subconscious level, he was there too. If only there was a weird way to ask him whether he had the exact same dream. Because I bet u anything, he did.

As for today, it was pretty non-eventful. Aside from my guilty feelings, that was about it really.

I need to decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow. What goes with wretched?
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So I wake up in the morning feeling completely guilty. I dreamt that I cheated on Luke! With Damion! Like WTF. In my dream, I didn't dream that I had sex with him. Just dreamt that we kissed and it was really intense. I was protesting and said that I wasn't the sort to cheat, but still, I just can't resist Damion.

Maybe I'm not ready to meet him after all. It is ridiculous because I'm so totally in love with Luke and would do almost anything for him. I say almost because I still want to pound bitchface to the ground. :) And I don't even WANT Damion. I'm just messed up really...

So I wake up feeling completely guilty (even tho I didn't do ANYTHING) and feel wretched all over again. I'm beginning to hate Damion.

Then Ana comes into my office and tells me that Damion has finally asked her out for coffee! Like WTF. WTF is he thinking? He deletes her as a friend on fb and then asks her for coffee? Does he realise that:

a) she's worlds apart from him;
b) she smokes and
c) she doesn't have long dark hair (yes, he has said to me that he is THAT shallow)

Anyway, I think I might have to ride this bad boy out.

And the more I think abt it, maybe its my subconscious that knew that something like this was going to happen and me kissing him in the dream is a way of stamping my territory? Ugh...

So that's all for today. And after making fun of Nads being a faffer, she was on time! That woman is always proving me wrong!!

Anyway, my eyes are droopy, I'm so sick and tired of talking abt Damion. Enough already.

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So it turns out that I'm un-co. Fantastic. But I'm sure the more I practise, the better I'll get. :)

Came home to a perfectly cooked steamed salmon dinner with stir-fried veggies. I'm seriously a lucky lucky girl to have someone as wonderful as Luke in my life.

X
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And after all that- she's not even here yet! Humph!

X
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You know for all the slagging off I give people for updating their facebook status with "emotional updates" intentionally put there for the benefit of certain people, I used to to it too. I was going through my previous wall posts, and there is was. How embarassing. But I don't do it anymore, and other people won't go through all my threads, so I can just be a hypocrite and slag those that do now. :)

Just sitting in my car waiting for hula hooping to start. I love the class, but god, these girls are annoying. Giggling and what not. Like shut the f**k up. Seriously. But another 5 weeks and I'm done.

Ooh, everyone's going iin, so I suppose I should. Might update later.

X
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A whole weekend of nothing. A whole weekend. Man, I won't know what to do with myself. I'm thinking of doing some boring house and gardening things. Such a nanna.

Something bothered me yesterday. I went to the op shop with Rach and Erin and Erin said " I can't shop at op shops, I'm too snobby". WTF??? It bothers me that all my friends are such snobs. For the record, I'm happy to shop at op shops. Its just how you wear your outfits. FYI, denim jackets are back in. And as they used to be popular back in the day so guess what? They can be found at op shops for half the price. Where I can save, I will!

Today was a diet write off. Had dinner with Nads when we were meant to be walking. It was raining, so the walk was not meant to be. :)

Btw, Justin Bobby sucks big time. He is so annoying.

On another note, I have completely lost respect for Fiona. Before, I thought she was a patronising, self-serving bitch, and now all my suspicions are confirmed.
I want to do a painting. Like a koru painting like the one I saw at Te Papa, I wonder whether I can do it?

Anyway, should probably head to bed, my random rambling should stop here.

Over and out.

X
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If...

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Character sketch- crazy stalker Joe

Oh my god. Freaky stalker joe. How funny, I have to include this. So it has been a little more than a year since I've received this:

I know this may be a sour topic but do you have any sIngle friends interested in a honest bloke not interested in clubbing. Over it.i'm tired of weirdos cheers

Hey genius, NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE THE WEIRDO. You are a creepy weird stalker dude who, by the way has got multiple personalities.

Get this, we went on a couple of dates and he tells ME that he doesn't want to see ME anymore. Then he talks to me online and tries to worm his way back in. And not even admit that he had written the message. Point blank I had asked him about the message he had sent me and he avoided every question every time. Fine, u don't admit that you sent a message breaking up with me, I don't know you.

FREAK FREAK FREAK.

And I have blocked him on facebook. Yes I have. Damion thought that I was crazy not doing anything about him when he was sending me those weird stalker messages, but joke's on him because I have not heard from crazy stalker joe for months. I have managed to ignore every message he had sent me and ad expected, he has left me the hell alone.

Oh- and he thinks I've moved to canberra. Yes, I have. :) to get away from you freak. I know I've used freak a couple of times, but there really is no way else to describe him! I may reconvene on this issue another time.

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Dreams of damion I am used to. But to dream of someone else, aka daniel. Wtf. Like seriously. Wtf.

I don't understand why I would dream abt cheating on luke. I would never do that in real life, and therefore, according to ty's logic, it should transend to my dreams. But it did not. I don't understand.

2008 has been such an interesting year for me. Boy wise. Thanks to an little thing called rsvp. I have met a stalker (joe), a freaky nerd (matt), a whinging teacher (chris), another nerd who had delusions of grandeur (ian), a bogan who I can relate to but can never date (pete), the good-looking cool rich guy (daniel) who I lost interest in after meeting mr commitment phobe hiself (damion). But I think that I have finally found my feet with it all, and its all thanks to luke.

Sure, i don't have the same physical attraction I do to him as I did to damion, nor does he make me feel deliriously happy like damion did. But there's no denying that luke is a whole lotta something special and I count myself lucky to have him. Sometimes. Sometimes he drives me up the wall, but I do hold my tongue to avoid an argument. And I think that if that's the worst thing in a relationship, then I'm on a good thing. He is making me a better person because I'm not so quick to say what's on my mind, nor am I as impulsive, which can only be a good thing, considering my last relationship was screwed up because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

I just want these dreams to go away. They indicate to me that I am not secure in my relationship and I don't like that insecurity. I just don't.
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