High maintenance moms

U know what's worse than a friend who is high maintenance? A high maintenance mom and worse if she's the mother of one of your best friends!

U can't just say fuck off, harass your own daughter, even though you're DYING to. Because no matter what, at the end of the day, blood is thicker than water.

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Skipping celebrations

I'm reading 'skipping christmas' by John Grisham and I'm not sure whether ikm enjoying the concept at the moment. T's interesting, but I don't thinl that I could skip christmas.

Although I'm skipping Chinese New Year. I suppose it is the same thing.

Xxx

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Pathetic

Lucky, Lucky... There are no words. You are hilarious!

Ok so I may be self-involved to think that someone had gone through all these trouble to piss me off. And if that was the case, for the record, I'm not pissed off. And I'm actually quite flattered!

Simple case of girl wants attention. If we were in a relationship, fine.

a) we're no
b) I'm straight

High-maintenance psycho. Went off at me for not making time for her. I'm sorry but I have a life. Just cuz u don't, don't freaking take it out on me. Needless to say, that friendship ended and we never spoke again. But don't u worry, she's been around. Emailing my girls, asking what's up. No one's replied to her yet but she keeps persisting!

Cut to Christmas and New Year's - she sent all my girls a message but me. Do I care? No, not really. Its laughable.

Cut to yesterday - made a big deal on facebook for her birthday drinks. Created and event and everything. Invited all her facebook friends of course didn't include me ( I only get wind of these when Jilly gives me the heads up) over 100 invited (didn't know she had more thab five friends!), half a dozen said no, another bunch unsure and about 80 still haven't replied. That is funny! I predict the crowd now: Lucky, Claire and the Munts. Hilarious.

And yes, yes if I don't care so much then why am I writing this blog? Cuz it's funny and she's pathetic. And I want to look back at this in the future and laugh.
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Heath

Heath Ledger- found dead in his New York apartment. I was never a huge Heath fan, but I liked him a lot. I liked a lot of his movies, and thought that he did Australia proud. It's a sad sad day.

R.I.P. Heath. We're gonna miss u.
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Fucking pissed off

Ok- so this was from yesterday but seriously, I was too livid to even write.

Speaking of which, I just saw a driver freaking turned a corner albeit slowly trying to light his cigerette! How inconsiderate and could u not fucking have your cigerette when u are stopped? I hate smokers.

My boss is a pain in my arse. That's all I have to say. Everyone else seriously, u guys had a year to decide what u wanted to do , and just cuz u've freaking decided that u would like it done now, don't fucking pressure me to get things done. I wasn't the one sitting on my big arse and procrastinating. Aarrgghhh!

And for the record, I hate people looking through and amending my stuff. Its perfect. I know cuz I checked. A million times.
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Not meant to be!

This is a blog I found on my blackberry. Clearly I've learnt to use it!!!

It's funny. I always wanted to have a flip phone, but it's never happened. Something's always happened, a better phone's always came up. The last time I got a flip phone, it was so crap that I had to sell it! And now I've got my blackberry. And its the best thing ever. Even though I don't really know how to use it yet. It's still cool though.
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Why I love where I live

Early morning shot of the boats on an early morning walk. Taken from a lone bench in the middle of a patch of grass next to a main road. Tell me this is not paradise.



People wonder why I want to live in this quiet sleepy town. I love everything about it, the people, the lifestyle. While I am definitely more suited to the fast pace of New York or Sydney, I definitely want to stay put. At least for a little while.

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Body and soul, I'm a freak.

Some people are just plain weird. This is a request on facebook that I received from a certain someone who's name that I don't want to mention. He is a freak.

I have never pressed the ignore button so fast in my life!

You know the shootings in Virginiatech? When I heard the news, I instantly thought of this guy. I usually give people a chance, even though they are initially freaky, but this guy.. no deal.

And the reason for the black pic? That is his photo on facebook.

What did I tell you. Freak, freak, FREAK.

Get off your fat arse Louise

In case you can't read what the picture says, allow me.

Hi Vanessa We are not making any progress on the COE’s. We have been concentrating on getting all the applications into the IAD. Hopefully this will be completed early this week and we will then start on the COE’s.

Cheers Louise



Well alright then louise. As long as that suits you. Take your time and do whatever and bitch about others when they take their time to get stuff done for you. Stupid cow.

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Vinegar

I just don't understand some people. I think that I am a bit of an abrasive person, but people at my office are worse sometimes! Didn't their mother ever teach them that sometimes its easier to get your way with people with sugar than vinegar?

Take for example today a collegue of mine said " I think your department needs to reassess the way they are doing things and realise that what they are doing is wrong."

Human behavior 101, if u tell someone that they are doing something WRONG, then that puts them on the defensive and they will not be wanting to help u!

I'm abrasive too sometimes, but seriously, u need to pick your battles.
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Being unAustralian?

What constitutes being unAustralian? Reason for question, just watched rthe Australian Open and I hate Lleyton Hewitt. I think his attitude sucks and while he is a good tennis player and an Australian, I cannot bring myself to support him. Never ever.

Love Bagdadis - too bad he lost to an arsehole.

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Workplace relations

What is up with the workplace relationships at my work? Seriously, I think some people need to draw the line between being professional and just reckless flirting.

I'm not the one to judge. What u do in your own time and with whoever is nothing to do with me. But if I have to hear about it every morning, then there's where the problems start. I'm about to have a good day- I don't want to know about horny messages exchanged at night. I don't want to know about a relationship that I don't consider as professional anyway. I take back what I said before, I judge people. And sometimes when I like someone, I think that I need to know less of them because the more I know, the less I like.

Reason for this gripe. Girl at work, H - obssessed with guy at work, D. H had a boyfriend for about two weeks but that didn't stop her from flirting with D. See H on the bus every morning and she tells me all these messages the two od them exchanged. Do I need to know about it? Seriously.

It makes me look at D in a different way. And I don't like making judgments on people through hearsay. If that makes any sense.

And the best part is that I'm hearing that another person in the office has a crush on D and seriously I don't see the attraction. It could be the lack of males in the department and the number of single and desperate women. And what repulses me more is not his looks, but the fact that he's just a gutless little shit, making suggestive comments on messages burt never actually following it through. Once again its all hearsay.

As for me, I would not consider having a workplace relationship at this stage anmd especially not with D. But you know, the laws of attraction cannot be explained and til then, I'll be happy just observing, judgong and writing my blogs.

End rant.

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New Blackberry!

So today is the first day that I've got my blackberry, and its so cool! Its weird to start with, but I'm loving it n soon my transition to yuppyville will be complete! That's all from me now, over n out!

Xxx

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Unreasonable

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm being unreasonable. There are so many things that came out of Dad's death that makes me think that I do not, as I had thought before, have my anger under control.

For a while I was angry at God. I wondered why he cut Dad's life so short, when I had just graduated and I could get a job and give him the retirement that he always wanted. He had a tough childhood, and it was not fair that he died just before he had the chance to live. But I've gotten over it, although I have still not brought myself to church since his death. And that was a good 9 months ago.

And then there was his family. Who are all still dead to me at this stage. But I've talked about them over and over until I'm blue in the face. I hate them. I don't want anything to do with them. They are dead to me, DEAD.

And then there are other things like Chinese new year. I don't think it's a holiday that I can ever celebrate ever again. And I don't think anyone can blame me for it. Dad died on the last day of the Chinese New Year. There is nothing about this holiday that I like. No new clothes. No cleaning the house. I hate the festival.

People say that when someone close to you passes on, it makes you a different person. For most, it has made them a softer person, because you sort of put life into perspective. I believe that Dad's death has made me a harder person, harsher and not all that forgiving. I fear that one day this hate will consume me and I might do something that I might regret.

I miss Dad. Last year this time, I was almost home, spending what was the last Christmas with him. Christmas is the time that I will cherish with me forever. I will always remember the sweet memories i had, the times that I spent studying my fathers face because I knew somehow, in my heart of hearts that that was the last time that I would see him alive. And I hate to say it, it was true. I still remember as though it was yesterday Mom and Dad dropping me off at the train station and I said goodbye to him. He was so weak, he could not even get out of the car to say goodbye. And I thought to myself "This could possibly be the last time I'm seeing Dad alive" and I think he must've been thinking that too. Because he wouldn't look at me. And I didn't want to cry in front of him and pretended that it was all going to be ok and that I will see him again. That is my regret. I regret not crying and telling him how much I loved him and that if I never saw him again, he should know that his choice of only having one daughter was not a mistake. That I loved him more than anything and that I'm sorry if I was a disappointment to him.

It's funny how I never believed in regrets, but now I feel as if I'm living in one big regret. It's funny how the things that have been buried in your subconscious can come rushing back. I remember in 5th year, I was avoiding speaking to dad because I had to do a couple of supplementary papers. And I was angry at him as well, because he wouldn't let some things go. I should've known that Dad never says much and when he does, then something is really bothering him. I remember stating how mad I was to a colleague, someone who lost his Dad (I didn't know it at the time). He had turned to me and said "You know, you should cherish your father as much as you can".

And all I can think about these days is whether I did.

The caste system

I hate Sex and the City. I do. It's great cuz it's reflective of society today, at the same time, it points out the glaringly obvious things, things that you never think about, but yet are just so in your face that you can't ignore it.

This one episode struck me to the core over the week, and it was the one about the caste system. Apparently, even today's western society is divided into invisible subclasses, the same as how the Indians are and there are rules to abide by. There will be no mixing between the castes, that the people from the upper class are to be shunned if they were to go out with the people considered from the lower class.

It made me think about the society in which I live. As it is a really small place, nothing is sacred and everyone's business is everyone else's. People actually get paranoid about going to confession because the priest they are confessing to is probably related to the person they did it with.

I go to uni, so most of my friends tend to be from uni. I realised that none of my friends are going out with someone who is not from uni. Everyone's boyfriend is either at uni, or has graduated and working a white-collared job. It's "My boyfriend the lawyer" or "My boyfriend with First class honours". If you said to someone that your boyfriend doesn't have a degree, it matters not whether you love him or not, this is always met with a deafening silence.

In a society where we accept people for being different, for being homosexuals, for doing drugs, for having fetishes, hell, for voting for Bush in the recent election, it is funny that now people are judged for not having an education.

I have talked to several people about the caste system, and I have been receiving some very interesting answers:

Michael thinks that the caste system does exist. He thinks that ultimately human nature is such that if you work so hard to achieve something in your life, it will be unlikely that you will settle for someone who couldn't be bothered. Ultimately, he thinks that people with such different priorities in life are doomed to have a failed relationship. At the same time, he's a yuppie.

Gina believes that as long as the two people love each other, it shouldn't matter. Everyone has their flaws and as long as those flaws do not bug the hell outta you, it's not a problem. Gina's a hopeless romantic.

Natasha thinks love is overrated and everything today is pure bullshit. She believes that marriage is an institution for the hypocrites, if two people love each other so much, why does it have to be official? Why would you need to stand in front of hundreds of people and announce your union? Even if your union is done in City Hall, why bother doing it at all? Does that certificate really matter? Natasha's a cynic.

Sam says that he would go out with a girl who has a more superior standing in society than him but may not date someone who does not have and the drive to improve themselves. His reasoning is that he is very goal orientated and strives for perfection in his daily life. He duly notes though, the line which separates whether or not he would date someone is somewhat blurred. Emotional attachment would play an important role in his decision. Sam is an engineer.

Questions questions and more questions to ponder. Where do you stand on this?

Suicide

One of my friend's father committed suicide today. The news is not officially out yet, but knowing where I live, it will be out soon. One of our other friends called him and asked him how he was doing, and the thing he said was "I'm still confused". And that's what got me thinking. Why woud someone, who has had a family, watched the children grow up, go into uni, and had a fairly succesful career, just woke up one morning and decided to kill himself. No letter, nothing. No indication of why he took his own life.

I don't mean to dishonour the dead, but isn't that the most selfish thing someone could do? Not only did he cause the people who he loved, the people who loved him probably more than anything in the world the grief, but he also denied them the knowledge of why he did what he did. For a long time now, they will be thinking and wondering whether they were the reason for his suicide.

I think it's sad. And I feel for my friend, but until nothing is said I will plead ignorance and when the news is officially revealed, I will let him know that I am there for him.

Canberra

Whoever says that Canberra is a hole can kiss my ass. I was there over the weekend, and I think it's the most interesting place I have ever been to. Not only it is beautiful, the weather was inviting, the people were really nice and how can you hate a place that has legalised triple x porn, marijuana and fireworks?

Geez people, get a life.

Oh, and I'm embarassed because I still thought that Megawati Sukarnoputeri is still the President of Indonesia. Saw Johnny Howard and Philip Ruddock, none of which is a big whoop, but thought that it was still important anyway.

Alrighty, I think I've written enough for today. Tell you more about Canberra tomorrow.

Close personal friends

Get this. I have a close personal friend. Yes. This is the code I have created when I really mean FUCK BUDDY. That's right ladies and gents, I have one. I can't believe it. Boyfriends are overrated, I reckon, and this actually fits in my schedule.

What is it about women these days huh? Romance does seem to be dead. You want someone to be there whenever you need him, yet when he needs you there, you just don't have time to be there. I know it sounds selfish, but hey I have stuff to do, a life to get on with, assignments to do... I don't have time for a full time man.

As it is, I have a test tomorrow, and he has already taken up half my time today. And the best thing is that he actually asked me whether I'd like to be his girlfriend last night. I managed to get out of it yesterday, but then again, what am I going to do when he asks me again? I'm not saying that one shouldn't be monogamous, you can be monogamous if you're only doing one person, but that person doesn't have to be your boyfriend. Without boyfriends, you don't have to worry about anniversaries, don't have to explain yourself on where you're going, what you're doing and who you're meeting. Furthermore, there's no question of "us". Where are we heading? Are we moving forward? Do we want this to get more serious. With close personal friends, it's companionship when you need it, sexual satisfaction, and then on with your lives.

To be completely honest, I was going to kick him out of my house the other day because he was talking while I was watching the Apprentice. It could never work. He doesn't watch the OC, the Apprentice, Survivor and all the shit that I watch. He's not remotely interested in my passion, Rugby Union, the only thing he does is work, drugs, alcohol and partying. Should I be called shallow for not wanting to see this person as more than a close personal friend? In Asia I would be commended for not taking this relationship a step further. There is no particular reason why I wouldn't go out with him, the drugs, the alcohol and the partying doesn't bother me, but at the same time it doesn't thrill me either. I don't think I'm judging him, the sex is great and the conversations are still mentally stimulating. I'd hate to say that these are the factors which are holding me back, and while I wouldn't say that it is the sole factor ( the fact that we are from two entirely separate worlds) , it does play an immense role.

Great. So I started out this journal thinking that I can totally justify retaining my close personal relationship as just sex, and that boyfriends are overrated. That the reason why I don't want to take this extra step by choice. What has happened is that I realised that I am exactly the kind of person which I despise more than anything, shallow and superficial. I'm not going out with him largely in part because of the society which I was born into and the person I have started to become. It scares me to think that further down the track I will be completely moulded into the Asian way of thinking, that the 5Cs are a standard requirement that we need to have a healthy relationship. That it doesn't matter whether you are comfortable with each other, the sex is great, the conversations are lively and the way you feel when he looks into your eyes. Hm, funny that I have become what I have been fighting so hard against.

Don't know why...

Don't know why I keep creating these blogs, but I do... I'lll write in it for a while and then decide that I don't want to write in it anymore... sigh... the novelty does wear off after a while!

Anywayz, I did have quite an exciting night on Tuesday. I was pulling an all-nighter because I had a test yesterday which I was not at all prepared for, and there was a fight outside Mykonos! It was quite exciting. I think the fight might have been my fault though, and here's how...

So I was studying, right, and then I heard this noise and I walked towards the window. It was the eve of Australia Day, so needless to say, there were heaps of people out on the piss! And then I saw this guy being escorted out of Mykonos by two other guys, which later I discovered were Nick and Peter who worked there!

Anywayz, after Nick and Peter walked back into the store, three guys started scuffling outside and one guys was standing between them going " Save it! Don't fight! Get in the car!" while the other guy was cursing and swearing. And this is how it's my fault, I was bored, and tired of studying and wanted to see some action. So there I was, standing in my apartment, going, "Hit 'im! Hit 'im!"

And he did.

Not only that, he slammed the guy against the glass at Mykonos and that glass shattered into a thousand pieces. And along comes this chick, in her little black dress and starts yelling at the puncher, and guess what? He shoves her and she fell backwards on her head. Even I gasped. It was lucky that I didn't choke on my imaginary popcorn. And apparently, there was blood everywhere.

Well, I don't even know what happened to the puncher, he must have ran off or something, but it all happened so quickly, and the police were there in two minutes. Five minutes after the police arrived, the window repairman arrived and fixed the broken glass while Peter had to clean the mess outside. And here's the bizzare thing. All this happened at 3am, and there was actually a glass repairman fixing the broken window! It was quite a show.

Tried to get the low down of what happened that night from Peter and Nick, but haven't had the chance to talk yet. Might update it here!

Cheers for now,

Ness

xxx