Close personal friends

Get this. I have a close personal friend. Yes. This is the code I have created when I really mean FUCK BUDDY. That's right ladies and gents, I have one. I can't believe it. Boyfriends are overrated, I reckon, and this actually fits in my schedule.

What is it about women these days huh? Romance does seem to be dead. You want someone to be there whenever you need him, yet when he needs you there, you just don't have time to be there. I know it sounds selfish, but hey I have stuff to do, a life to get on with, assignments to do... I don't have time for a full time man.

As it is, I have a test tomorrow, and he has already taken up half my time today. And the best thing is that he actually asked me whether I'd like to be his girlfriend last night. I managed to get out of it yesterday, but then again, what am I going to do when he asks me again? I'm not saying that one shouldn't be monogamous, you can be monogamous if you're only doing one person, but that person doesn't have to be your boyfriend. Without boyfriends, you don't have to worry about anniversaries, don't have to explain yourself on where you're going, what you're doing and who you're meeting. Furthermore, there's no question of "us". Where are we heading? Are we moving forward? Do we want this to get more serious. With close personal friends, it's companionship when you need it, sexual satisfaction, and then on with your lives.

To be completely honest, I was going to kick him out of my house the other day because he was talking while I was watching the Apprentice. It could never work. He doesn't watch the OC, the Apprentice, Survivor and all the shit that I watch. He's not remotely interested in my passion, Rugby Union, the only thing he does is work, drugs, alcohol and partying. Should I be called shallow for not wanting to see this person as more than a close personal friend? In Asia I would be commended for not taking this relationship a step further. There is no particular reason why I wouldn't go out with him, the drugs, the alcohol and the partying doesn't bother me, but at the same time it doesn't thrill me either. I don't think I'm judging him, the sex is great and the conversations are still mentally stimulating. I'd hate to say that these are the factors which are holding me back, and while I wouldn't say that it is the sole factor ( the fact that we are from two entirely separate worlds) , it does play an immense role.

Great. So I started out this journal thinking that I can totally justify retaining my close personal relationship as just sex, and that boyfriends are overrated. That the reason why I don't want to take this extra step by choice. What has happened is that I realised that I am exactly the kind of person which I despise more than anything, shallow and superficial. I'm not going out with him largely in part because of the society which I was born into and the person I have started to become. It scares me to think that further down the track I will be completely moulded into the Asian way of thinking, that the 5Cs are a standard requirement that we need to have a healthy relationship. That it doesn't matter whether you are comfortable with each other, the sex is great, the conversations are lively and the way you feel when he looks into your eyes. Hm, funny that I have become what I have been fighting so hard against.