Honestly, as quickly as I have sort of gotten a guy, I've lost it. Seriously. This guy ended up being either a schizophrenic or just high maintenance. And to be completely honest, I don't do either.

Talking to ; last night and we have some to a general consensus. In our group, u are absolutely lucky with guys or just cursed. E can't seem to have a relationship with a guy in the same state, sometimes the same country. J can't seem to find any boy attractive if he is not leaving the state. As for me, I always find the boys that dick me around. Sick of it. Sick of it.

And what kills me abt the whole thing is that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship in the first place! And the reason why I put myself through this fucking song and dance is because I wad trying to conform. Son of a bitch.

No matter how u spin it, the bottom line is that what he said hurt. Even though I'm not attracted to him all that much. Even though I wasn't sure whether I wanted the relationship in the first place. And that's another thing that shits me, why the fuck do I hate rejection and why must I have the need to make everyone like me? Seriously.

I hate myself sometimes.
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