It feels like ages since I last wrote. Once again sitting at the same park bench comtemplating life!

Since I started online dating, I have met someone. He's not what I think is goodlooking, but we seem to get on well. Although it has taken a bad turn since then. Ish. I can't even put into words what's been happening. And its all such bad timing as well, with mom visiting and I can't even say anything, not even to J.

And today I have a new person to share my office. Great, just what I need.

Xxx
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Valentine's Day

Ugh, Valentine's Day. Need I say more? I hate Valentine's day!!! Once again, no Valentine, NOTHING. I didn't even want to ask anyone else what they got for a Valentine. If they choose to tell me, I will listen. But to be completely honest, I don't give a flying fuck. Yes I am bitter and twisted.

Of course things would be different if I had a boy. Of course. That's when the double standards kick in, and I won't deny it.

I have decided that online dating is hard! Especially in a small town like where I am! Even my online relationships are screwed up. No one interests me in the slightest, and everytime I click to see someone, I just think - am I setting myself out for failure?

xxx

Conformist

Never thought that I would ever say this, but I have become a conformist. I'm feeling the pressure of not having a partner that I have resorted to drastic measures: I have joined an online dating site. I know. Fucking ridiculous.

Looking at people online - completely weird. I try to imagine what they look like, what they are like, etc. burt the bottom line is, why are they alone? The question is, why am I alone?

Am I really ready to settle? Not settle down, but settle for second best. No, I don't believe that I am, but I'm watching my friends make a massive effort to put themselves out there and I refuse to be the only one who's single! Is that wrong?

Plus the pressure from my mother is starting to get to me. She doesn't actually say get a boyfriend, but u know what she's thinking and I seriously don't like disappointing her.

And its not like I don't have one for lack of offers. I really don't think I should be penalised for knowing what I want.
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10/02.2008

Just bleah

Just a general rant:

a) H came into my office and told me that she and D had hooked up the Thursday night. Once again, information that I didn't need to know.

And then it comes to abt being professional. Yes, they are a little younger, one is working as a casual and the other's not really in a professional capacity. But am I the only one who thinks this is wrong? It is wrong, it's just wrong.

b) and then had to hear abt a friend's most romantic weekend ever. And yes, I'm happy for her, but really disapprove of the boy. Deadbeat, can never keep a job, cheater. There are no words.

But she thinks that I'm a good friend which is something I'm trying to be. The rest of the girls are definitely not giving her the support she needs. Which I have a slight problem with because she has always been there for us when we needed her! So really,

i) It's not our relationship so we need to stay out of it;
ii) We are supporting her and not the relationship
iii) If she can't talk to her girlfriends, who can she talk to?

So while I loathe hearing about how wonderful this jackass is, I suck it up and listen to it because she's one of my best friends and I want to be there for her.

But do note, I hate him. Maybe just happy couples in general.

End rant.

Xxx
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Bitches

What I was going to say yesterday was that I work with people who don't have people skills - who don't understand the meaning of privacy and a bunch of backstabbing bitches. I will elaborate soon.

Over and out.

xxx

The beers experience

Met someone at the supermarket today. He was HOT. Sort of like a beers experience, I would have to say. Too bad I was shopping with my MOTHER!

Sometimes I thinkthough, am I really attracted to him - or have I come to an age which is giving in to conforming? I feel pressure of having to be in a couple, and my once enjoyment of the single life has been brutally cut short.

Whatever happened to the times when I could enjoy staying at home and watching sport day and night? Whatever happened to not having to justify whatever I do? Whatever happened to the times when I didn't have to weigh up my options of going somewhere- just because I'm not in a couple?

The situation as I like to call it has become dire. Take for example our last new years eve outing. I was dreading it purely because I was in the minority when the clock struck midnight. And I don't like feeling like that way especially when it used to be a no-brainer: friends = fun, therefore attendace is a must.

Am also hating the double standards. People with a partner can leave a social function at anytime, but the non-couples have no choice but to stay out. I'm over it. So over it. So much that I have decided not to be home during Christmas and New Years this year.
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